Naik.

Bicara tak serupa perilakunya

Patut dipersetankan semua

Atau terus berlakon bermadu senda

Letih

Permainan turun naik manusia

Is.

Is it really possible to be drag exactly towards the unfamiliar position where you used to sweat a lot due to the nervousness that happened during the heart beating situation.

Lagi.

Apa lagi yang tak cukup?

Cukup.

Please.

Who remembered my birthday by heart? Tolonglah. Bahasa konon puitis bangga padahal diri sendiri tak by heart apa. Kelakar.

Just.

Apa.

Senang-senang boleh ditanya kenapa?
Kenapa apa masalahnya?
Kenapa masalahnya sekarang?

Senang-senang segalanya keluar
Berbaur geram tanpa sedar
Pernah ditanya dari mana asalnya
Atau lupa diri sama sebegitu rupa

Senang-senang tolak hari-hari
Tiba-tiba datang cari seribu puisi
Apa ini semua?

Love.

Selamanya
Hari ini akan selalu memujamu
Mencintaimu
Seumur hidupku hanyalah padamu

Waktu
Dengarkanlah
Selalu dekatku dengannya
Indah
Ku menutup mata
Satukanlah hati

Jadikanlah malam ku lebih indah
Jadikanlah siang ku lebih terang
Biarkan bungaku mewangi
Selamanya

Selamanya
Hari ini akan selalu memujamu
Mencintaimu
Seumur hidupku hanyalah padamu

Waktu
Dengarkanlah
Selalu dekatku dengannya
Indah
Ku menutup mata
Satukanlah hati

Jadikanlah malam ku lebih indah
Jadikanlah siang ku lebih terang
Biarkan bungaku mewangi
Selamanya

Right.

Easy.

Is it that easy to forget me? Thanks.

Same.

You will make your daily video so that I can play it everyday. You will print the pictures so that I can stick it on my wall. You will do the little celebration party, so that I will remember the biggest smile I ever given. You will make sure everyone gives some short speech so that I will reminisce them here.

And now, you will do everything to her. The exact same thing. In order to show that, I am just the same like others. I just nobody to you. No special treatment that I can get. Just the same like others. I get it. I am nobody.

You.

Pissed.

I think, I really pissed off with everything. I am not sure what I want and I just want to leave everything and went all over the world by myself. You are always taking things for granted. You always make me feel like a piece of old shit. I hate you for making me feel like this.

Doubt.

Sometimes I just doubt. Do I really have a friend called best friend? Do I really have that someone who will treat me the same like I would? Am I really your best friend? Are you really treating me like what I deserved to get? Did you?

I know.

Over.

I might be over thinking. But I think that what makes me stand on the ground and realize the right and wrong things. How can someone be special when the things that happen are too common to everybody? How can someone gets that attention of special moment and occasion if that occasion happens to everyone in the world. How can someone be reminded of something if that something actually happened to entire human being. No, it can't happen. And I officially can feel the pain. The pain of not becoming that special anymore. Being far from the country just make everything not that convincing anymore. What actually happened are not visible to my eyes and most people can say what they want and most of the time, I will believe without question. You sacrifice yourself to be with others after you do the same thing to me. Thus, is our moment still special for you? No. I already knew the answer. Thanks.

Fear.

Mourning.

Started with the MH370 incident and now this tragic MH17, there's time where I felt frightened by everything especially living in other's land. To return back home sometimes needed more than twice decision making and thinking process just because the traumatized feeling that I got from all the news cover and the report. But, it's already stated that if there's almost time for them, then it will be no matter what. Al-Fatihah.

Time.

Meluat.

Belum sempat ditanya apa-apa, terus terjah ke penutup kata. Mungkin hujahan tak pernah penting sebab lagi senang buat kesimpulan sendiri jadi hidup senang tiada sangsi.

Puasa.

Di tempat baru. Suasana baru. Tangisan baru. Segalanya baru. Terima kasih Ya Allah untuk perjalanan ini. Terima kasih untuk suasana yang baru ini. Terima kasih untuk semua.

Feeling.

Flaws.

Or claws? Living in your own world. Don't bother me. I am hurt enough.

Tired.

You are just too ambitious. And clearly you left me alone. You left me and you prefer to go around with your intelectual business friends that up to your standard. Congratulations. You just won yourself the best friend anyone can expect to have award. So 'proud'.

Ya.

Bukan
Bayang pun bukan
Apatah lagu orang
Sabar?
Mungkin tak bertahan
Cukuplah
Makin lama, makin ada
Sisa-sisa itu jelas nyata
Kenapa ada rasa

Bother.

No. It does not bother me at all. You and your attitude. And my pride not going low at all even I texted you. Because I texted all other bunch of my friends too. Thus, don't feel egoistic to reply or not replying it because I don't care. You are too ambitious. And again I am not your standard at all. You have everything with you. And despite all those wealth, you turning into someone that is amazingly annoying. I don't care.

Well.

It's been a long time. I am not sure what are my feelings towards all of these. I am just too tired. And what actually happened in my life, what actually I felt and what actually things that I need to encountered day by day just important to me. Just me by myself. Not every little tiny bit of it are important to other people. Whom I think they cared about it but they just don't.

I am not your standard. I am not anyone that can be easily immersed into your culture. Your new culture I think. I am not on your scale. I don't have ambition. I don't have path that I want. I just becoming someone that you used to know. Because you already turning into a great human being, that amazingly can stands by your own.

Now.

You ditched me.

Absolutely.

Fool.

I am not at your standard. And yet I always try beyond my capabilities just to make sure you know how much I care about you. Guess people turn out to be egoistic for own benefits. Thus, that's what I'm going to do now. You are too ambitious. I am such a fool for you.

Huh.

Kau dengan bersihkan itulah
Dengan nak berjaya tu lah
Mencapai itu lah

How funny it turns out
Cheap talks

Ayah.

Walau jauh, tak pernah lupa. Terima kasih untuk semua. Sebab segalanya tak mungkin mampu tanpa Ayah.

Apa.

Lama mana mungkin kau tahan
Tempatnya sama
Kesannya sama
Puas menggaru hingga selesa
Tapi mungkin kau lupa
Dari situ darahnya jua
Dari situ pedihnya tiba
Dari situ sakitnya sentiasa

Seperti tersepit dengan segala
Mahu bertahan takut terngadah
Mahu teruskan takut mendalam
Apa sebenarnya
Apa ceritanya

Senyuman tika ini
Mungkin pembantu satu diri

Hard.

My current obsession. Specifically internet obsession besides Youtube, is Asian Fan Fiction. Narrow it down to Running Man Asian Fan Fiction. Sigh. I am to addicted with those fan fiction during these hectic inappropriate moments. I just can't stop from these internet obsession.

When NigaHiga started to upload a new video staring Kev Jumba that is his long lost Youtube partner that already opened one charity school in Africa, I just stared in front of my phone and while the video keeps buffering, I tend to open the browser for Asian fan fiction stories and it just make me lost. I currently love my new hobby. Thus, I can say I love to read after all. LOL.

Just.

I guess it is enough for all of the stories and dramas. Right now, the only classy dramas that I preferred will only be from the extension list of the television series. There's no need to create another one just to fill the gap the we created.

Call.

Bila video call mesti nak tengok muka sendiri. Haha. Hari-hari pun ada hard time. Tapi bila video call, terus senyum sampai telinga. Lepas tu kembali kepada hard time seperti biasa. IMY Nadia. Jangan gemok sangat. Nanti baju yang dah beli kat sini tak muat pulak :)

Happiness.

When I actually can be me with someone else.

I really hope it will come true one day. Just by thinking of how great it will be, really make my day. I have Nadia. I will always have her by my side. She is greatest best friend I can asked for.

Tahu.

Macam-macam aku perlu tahu
Tahu, lantas sedar
Sebelum aku terjerumus jauh
Di atas landasan itu

Wake up

Malam.

Ya Tuhan.
Semoga esok akan lebih baik daripada hari ini.
Semoga esok lebih banyak memori daripada hari ini.

Rasa.

Kau mula luahkan kata
Apa itu besar maknanya?
Apa itu boleh buatkan sesiapa terkena?
Kenapa mahu menggali cerita
Tika kata terkambus sedia?
Bila diri mula selesa bersama tulangnya
Kau mula lupa
Dari mana susahnya segala
Dari mana payahnya derita

Sayang bagaimana cerita dia
Buatkan kau manusia
Nampak teruk di mata semua

Terbang.

Terbanglah wahai debunga
Berlari selamatkan diri
Jangan takut kejamnya dunia
Lumrah pasrah
Jatuh engkau, ditolak engkau
Tetaplah terbang tinggi
Lebarkan pengalaman diri
Bila ada suara mendatang
Senyum, senyum dalam-dalam

Jangan asyik mendongak langit
Hormati mana tempat berdiri
Ditolak sepuluh kita
Bangkitlah selamanya

Terbaik.

Seperti yang dijanji. Cannot stop from repeating this song because of his unique voice. Yup, I am addicted to him :) Thank you for covering this song, Darren.

Air.

 

Sejuk terasa

Sampai tak terkata
Tapi ajaib kuasa-Nya
Macamana baru sikit dalamnya
Tetap takut ditarik sentiasa
Kenapa bila lemah baru tersedar
Kenapa bila kecil baru mendongak
Terlupakah aku akan segalanya
Tika selesa berada di atas
Tika senang gembira sahaja

Terima kasih yang kuasa
Mencipta segalanya

Dengan sangat sempurna

 

Sorry.

You are not my choice. Not anymore.

All.

When your favourite character sing one of your current favourite songs. I am so happy. I can't wait to download the official music video. I am happy that I choose to watch new episode of Glee today. I really like you Darren Criss.

Explain.

How can I put it in words? How can I deliver it brightly without hurting any feelings? Or did I just being too selfless although the reality was too harsh to adapt? Am I being too sensitive over silly things that happens around me?

First, you do not really care about me at all. Even as friends. Even when you already say thousand words before how you appreciated your friends and you are willing to do anything to support them. But, let’s me reflect it first. Did you really do that in our friendship? Did you really care about me on screen but what about off screen?

Did you really care about the conditions and everything or you just playing with the friendship terms? I bet you are so lucky because you got everything. You start to talk shit but you did not realize, you’re doing shit too.

I am confused at first. What actually should I felt towards this situation? How it is exactly this things has define our friendship. How all these things actually has make things clearer for me that this friendship is quite useless?

You are so good with your words. Even you show that you are a good friends by using all those quotes. But in reality, in our friendship, you walk alone through the hallway and leave my hand alone. And you just came back when you actually want that is right before I came here. But most importantly, I am the one who make the move. Because I am too eager with our friendship to make it last longer than ever.

What about you? Surprisingly, there are no efforts from you. Not at all. Why so sudden wishing me to be good but in reality you did not even start to contact me at all even to say hi? Even to say anything relevant that is appropriate with the time? I am too dumb to plan everything ahead. Because I am thinking too much about this friendship. Thinking that it is one of the pure friendship that I can talk back in my older times.

Who are you?

Hari Ibu.

Untuk mama, ibu Nadia dan mak Nadia. Semoga sentiasa sihat & happy :)

Benda.

Entah. Kesedaran dan tersedar
Pokok pangkal datang dari benda yang sama
Bendanya nyata, bendanya ada
Cuma mahu bergerak atau mahu digerakkan

Diet.

I need to eat and live in a healthy way. Takkan nak balik Malaysia gemok? Haha.

Nap.

I took a quick nap just now. In my dream, there are two of my little brothers watching some wrestling television series. I went downstairs from my room and asked them '"Are you guys hungry?". And without waiting for the answers, I directly said, "Let me cook dinner for you guys. Eat something so that you won't be hungry. It's near Maghrib and it's good to eat around this time". They just nodded.

How I miss two of my little brothers. How I miss to grow together with them although we have rarely seen each other in Malaysia due to the studies and everything. How I miss to act like a sister to both of them and try to make them eat, sleep, take shower since they are too lazy to do all of those stuffs. I miss them.

Kalau.

Kalau esok tiada lagi
Masih adakah rasa tika ini

Appreciate

May.

I don't realize it's already May. I am afraid. Can I do it?

Jelly.

I cannot believe that this is one of my unforgettable experience ever. And recently, watching some beautiful jellyfish in the aquarium really brings me back to the past. Reminiscing everything that happened. And felt very glad because I am still here, breathing for another day.

I miss everything.

Teringat.

When I supposedly busy with the journal stuff, I decided to read back my old blog post. Gosh, everything is so memorable. I am such a happy kid. Although during that time I posted many emotional and unbalanced emotion type of writing. Nevertheless, it is still the best moment during UiTM years.

And when time passed by, I realised my writing just changed accordingly. There are no more subjects in the post. It's just a random thought of the inner self. I wonder whether this type of writing going to help me remember the memories in the future. But at this moment, I do not have any idea how to write something like the old days. With so many stories and plots need to be shared with everyone. I guess people changed. So does me and my keypad warrior skills.

I miss all my blogging friends. Everyone seems to have other places to express what they feel and share their stories with. I don’t blame the technology because I am here because of them too. We used to share stuffs in our blogs, starts to comment on each other posts and feel happy with each other existence.

Everyone changed. Becoming more matured with life and everything. Everyone has their own preferences to handle their own life. Dear beloved friends, I miss you and I love all of you. Thank you for the journey. Thank you for being my friends.

MV.

I don't really care about the music. Or about the heroin. But the hero for this music video. Perfecto macam gelato :) You are so adorable, Darren Criss.

Memory.

Going through the memory lane. And how I miss everything about you. The old you specifically. How you sings, how you act, how the dramas that been created. How lovely you are until I cannot stay apart from you every time there's a new updates from you. I just love you. But please don't grow to fast. Just stay the same. Just be original.

Just be you, dear Glee.

Tyler Ward and Alex G.

Tyler Ward and Alex G. Best among the best. Hilarious youtubers with great talents. And one thing that I adore between both of them is how they value their friendship. I did not give a damn whether they are together or not because Tyler already stated that Alex is his best friend. And I really love the love between them. How comfortable they are with each other to share every thing like a normal best friend can do.

How I miss you dear best friend.

Name.

Totally Nadia haha.

Confused.

Google been so good to recall back all Glee songs that I loved and this song pop up at my YouTube homepage. I'm not sure which one I love. YouTube, Darren Criss, this song or Glee. I just so happy and can't stop smiling.

This Glee things really makes me feel great inside out. I can live in my own world just by listening all the dramas and songs in this series. You are a great human being Darren Criss. And I miss the old Glee cast.

Gleeks.

Trying.

Social.

Awkward when you actually can be a new person with someone else. It is not you that is awkward but I am looking at you awkwardly. I am so glad that I am tough enough to not befriend with all of your friends even some of them is really a good friend of mine. But in this situation, you look like a big liar with all that harmony gestures but in reality, you acted differently. Who are you? Who do you want to be? Why you are being nice to that person but being really cold with me? Who do you want to please? Since I am stupid enough to be fooled again by all your dramas, I think I am the perfect spot for you, right? I guess I will have to play along. Since I am too dependant to you. Although for you, I am just a tiny dust.

Benda.

Hairan bila geledah segala
Kau cuba untuk tunjukkan kesalahan kejadian
Atau kau cuba berlakon bak penglipur lara
Seronok bukan dikelilingi pari-pari merata dunia
Kau takkan pernah merasa masinnya air di lautan
Walaupun kau bersuara pantai adalah teman
Kau mengadu domba bagai orang hilang bumbungnya
Padahal ceritera yang tertulis cantik pelakon segala

Sesungguhnya apa yang dikata, apa yang dirasa
Tak pernah sama sekali sekata
Bagai minyak dan air yang tak akan pernah bersama
Begitulah juga hikayat dan realitinya

Aku mungkin tak tahu
Dan mungkin aku tak akan tahu
Dan mungkin aku akan terus bodoh tak tahu

Kau lagi penting bukan?
Kau dan dunia

Makin.

Lama-lama dipaksa, makin teruk dirasa
Bukan paksa sahaja, malah cuba sedaya upaya
Layakkah semua ini terjadi sekali lagi
Walaupun hati diketuk-ketuk sampai terduduk sendiri

Senang tutur kata dilontar disebar
Macam apa yang ada tak pernah tersangkut di hati
Bukan yang utama yang dipinta, bukan
Tapi teriak ketawa riang dengan segala kejadian
Atau makin benda tersimpul rapi tiada hujungnya
Makin selesa menendang rencana minda seorang diri

Susah untuk dicari gali sedalam-dalamnya
Apa di bayangan adakah jelas tertanya sama
Makin banyak ditemui, makin silau cahayanya
Makin silau cahayanya, makin berani membawa diri bersama

Pernah.

Pernah kau rasa seronok nak bercerita
Sebelum kau lupa semua mainan jiwa?
Pernah kau rasa teruja mahu berbicara
Sebelum kau lupa dia tak pernah merasa?
Pernah kau cuba untuk berada di situ sekali lagi
Sebelum kau lupa tak ada yang pernah peduli?

Kau berkata
Dan terus berkata-kata
Laju meluncur semua yang dirasa
Tapi kisahkah kau sebenarnya dengan dunia
Kisahkah kau sebenarnya dengan keadannya

Sekejap diatas berkata ya
Tiba-tiba di bawah senang berpusing katanya
Kau lengkap ada segala
Kiri kanan penuhi jiwa raga

Sambil kau muntahkan kata
Kau lupa bekas yang sama
Sudah penuh dengan bicara
Kau lupa hati yang sama
Sudah keras jentik tak dirasa

Tiru.

"Kadang-kadang manusia suka mengambil remeh, walaupun hanya dengan hujan yang renyai di luar. Mereka mengeluh kerana hujung kainnya basah, bukan memandang ke awan gelap itu dan melihatnya sebagai satu rahmat. " 

Pagi.

Pagi ini dingin
Sedingin air di lautan
Fikiran masih sama
Terkenang yang biasa
Layakkah semua terjadi
Kuatkah diri berdiri
Haruskah harapan kembali

Lewat.

Malam yang sangat kelam
Sejuk sampai ke tulang
Tangan masih ligat
Menari-nari di kekunci
Bagai tiada penutup

Tersentuh terdengar suara
Tersenyum mendengar alunannya
Merdu lunak suaranya

Simpanlah selagi mampu
Nikmatilah selagi mampu
Itu yang mampu

'Permataku'

Sepuluh.

Serak berkata
Tapi masih mampu
Mengorak cerita
Mengukir simpulan
Tak sangka
Benda mungkin tak terbiasa
Angin yang baru
Nafas yang baru
Tapi rumpun dirinya masih sama
Yang baik begitu
Sabar pun begitu

Sepuluh minit terbaik untukku

Ibu.

Tawa itu
Rasa itu
Kekal tak berganjak
Sayang sampai mati

Ikat.

Tak tahu mana
Tarik kiri kanan
Gundah sana sini
Masakan basah jika tidak hujan
Masakan kering jika tidak panas
Bolehkah berdiri
Selepas ikat ketat-ketat?

Sama.

Korek-korek
Semua dari rumpun yang sama
Minat yang sama
Ke arah yang sama
Bagaimana selesa di situ
Ternyata semua sama
Cuma yang berbeda
Mungkin apa yang ada
3 pernah, 1 tidak
Keraskah paku di dinding
Lajukah si bahtera
Rumpunnya sama

Silam.

Belek bukan biasa
Gagah diri jua
Kiri kanan atas bawah
Kenang dalam-dalam
Tawa ria manja
Senyum sendirian
Sengih sendirian
Kerna hakikat
Tidak pernah ada
Rasa mainan jiwa

Kena.

Kesannya sekejap mungkin
Tapi terfikir
Berlegar laju cuba bertanya
Betul apa yang dikata
Betul apa yang dirasa
Jika tertulis megah begitu
Apa mungkin diri ini teguh selalu
Jangan lupa senjata masih ada
Hanya kerana mahu diri bahagia
Tapi selamanya merana jua
Kebal keras teguh

Kelam.

Dari satu ke sayu
Dari hujung ke bujur
Merangkak
Mengagak
Mana yang mampu
Mana yang lelah
Pasti ada jua
Bukan kelam selamanya

Online.

Berbelanja
Tak pernah salah
Kad hujung jari
Nombornya capai saja
Untuk buat diri senyum
Untuk buat diri selesa
Boleh kata
Bahagia

Kena.

Najwa Latif
- Hilang

Tak sangka
Kena dengan rasa
Tertawa

Hilang.

Tak sangka
Yang dulu dihenyak
Menjadi yang utama
Bait kata benar segala
Hairan
Mengapa mudah hilang
Dan terpa tanpa rela
Gara-gara awan dan anginnya
Hilang bersama-sama

Selangkah.

Penat
Tapi bahagia

Kerana jauh dari semua
Jadi hidup aturan aku dan Dia
Kenapa perlu aku memberi
Sedangkan yang menerima
Belum tentu akan menyimpannya

Sungguh aku penat
Penat dengan dunia

Sedar.

Drama ria bagai raja
Betul ini pentas baginya
Menabur kata menabur drama
Drama ria
Tanpa hela
Tanpa kata
Tanpa rasa
Semua kau damba
Mengekek ketawa
Mengadu domba
Bertepuk manja

Cukup
Cukup
Cukup

Jatuh.

Yang pertama
Mencari dia
Lega hela
Masih ada
Ditarik dari bencana
Dipegang dari nestapa
Terima kasih
Jatuh satu
Tapi aku tau
Jauh di sudut itu
Cahaya ada
Terang sahaja
Kamu

Selamat.

Tahun baru datang lagi
Kau kau dan engkau
Setialah sejati
Kawan sampai mati

Alhamdulillah

Leka.

Sungguh
Dalam segalanya yang ada
Aku terpaku terhenyak seketika

Mengapa daun yang gugur
Disalahkan cuaca
Jika bukan ranting dan dahan
Berpaut setia

Tak perlu menyalahkan cuaca
Padahal dia seperti biasa
Mengapa ketepikan ranting dan dahan
Hanya kerana berisi sekarang hendaknya

Aku pasrah
Walaupun aku tahu
Engkaulah ranting dan dahan
Yang aku akan selalu gapai

Walau cuaca menerjah laju
Hingga aku terduduk malu

Rasa.

Boleh rasa bencinya banyak mana.
Boleh rasa tak kisahnya banyak mana.
Boleh rasa.

Terima kasih kawan.